With the release of his latest album "Purpose," pop star Justin Bieber has been trying to turn his bad boy image around by talking more about his Christian faith.
Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/justin-bieber-encourages-fans-find-rest-gods-presence-161038/#w7dWmSKBsHUAPKoQ.99With the release of his latest album "Purpose," pop star Justin Bieber has been trying to turn his bad boy image around by talking more about his Christian faith.

Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/justin-bieber-encourages-fans-find-rest-gods-presence-161038/#w7dWmSKBsHUAPKoQ.In an Instagram post Tueday night, Bieber encouraged his fans with Psalm 46:10, which reads: "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

"Remember there's a God that loves you and is for you. Be still in his presence. He will give you true rest," the "What Do You Mean" singer wrote.

Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/justin-bieber-encourages-fans-find-rest-gods-presence-161038/#w7dWmSKBsHUAPKoQ.

JUSTIN BIEBER: “GOD TOLD ME TO CHANGE MY WAYS”

JUSTIN BIEBER REVEALS IT WAS GOD WHO HELPED HIM WHEN HE WAS LOST. For Justin Bieber, life has changed dramatically during the last two years. He has transformed from a party-loving teen known for skirmishes with the law to an A-lister known to deliver consistent hits. In a media interview, the Canadian said that God had come to him when he was lost. He believed that the almighty was telling him something. That was when he decided to change his life for the better and in his own words, get his stuff together. 

Bieber subsequently took action. He took some steps and turned around his life. His “Sorry” song topped the charts and he allowed people to ridicule him on Comedy Central. He also did a couple of interviews where he fully apologized for such wild antics. 

Bieber has always claimed that he is not overtly religious. He is presently dating Hailey Baldwin, a professional model. He has previously dated Selena Gomez, another singer who, like Bieber, has accomplished fame in her own right. Bieber said that after he heard God's voice, he called his manager Scooter and he said that they should fix his life and turn his career around. He reiterates, however, that he continues to enjoy the consumption of alcohol and having a good time. Justin does not believe that such behavior clashes with religious beliefs. When asked how he will celebrate success of the album, he said that he will be with his friends and have fun, adding that he will also be responsible. During the same interview, Bieber said that he is a Christian and a believer. He also said that people can be extremely conservative and he does not think that this trait is wrong in any way. He added that he does not want to anger anyone and believe that it is possible to enjoy with a few drinks and girls. There is no compulsion to be serious and to love God is separate from any other. Justin said that it is all right as long the matter is not evil or mean or provocative or intense. It is good to live a life where love occupies centrality and it is important to keep this factor in mind. During the same interview he joked that he felt that he was being manipulated by Kourtney Kardashian, who as one media house claimed to have dated for a few months. 

In an Instagram post Tueday night, Bieber encouraged his fans with Psalm 46:10, which reads: "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

With the release of his latest album "Purpose," pop star Justin Bieber has been trying to turn his bad boy image around by talking more about his Christian faith.

"Remember there's a God that loves you and is for you. Be still in his presence. He will give you true rest,earlier this year, Bieber encouraged his followers to start reading the Christian devotional Jesus Calling, which has sold more than 15 million copies worldwide.

During an interview with Complex magazine last year, the 21-year-old stated: "I just wanna honestly live like Jesus. Not be Jesus. ... I don't want that to come across weird. He created a pretty awesome template of how to love people and how to be gracious and kind."

Bieber admitted in the same interview, however, that he has often rejected his faith and communion with other Christians.

"Christians leave such a bad taste in people's mouths. I was like, 'I'm not gonna go to church.' I had these church friends and I was like, 'You guys are cool, I like you guys, but I'm not going to church,'" he said. 

Bieber rose to fame as a teen idol at 13, but by 2011 he was equally well known for his antics — smoking marijuana, vandalizing his neighbor's property, using racial slurs and drag racing. But since that time he's been working hard to transform his life.

Back in November, a Los Angeles Times reviewer described his experience at Bieber's world tour as part pop concert, movie premiere, skateboarding demonstration and a church service.

"He talked about the importance of maintaining a positive spirit and surrounding himself with encouraging people. He credited his connection with God for helping him to get back on his feet after a string of widely publicized tabloid troubles. 

CAN GOD RESTORE A HOPELESS MARRIAGE?

A Hopeless Situation

Through the years, I had tried to find ways to make changes and improve things, but it seemed that the harder I tried, the worse it got. I begged Ron to go for counseling, but he always said there was no reason to, because it wouldn’t help our situation. At one point, I asked one of his friends to intervene. However, the resulting changes were small and short lived. I also went to our pastor and asked for his intervention. He attempted to get to the bottom of the problem and met alone with Ron for a couple months. However, the week when the pastor was going to bring me into the sessions, he developed heart trouble and had to discontinue counseling. He referred us to another counselor, but Ron would not go.

Since Ron would not continue the counseling, our pastor referred me to a counselor, and I met with her once. Her assessment was that my husband was depressed and angry and that he needed to see a psychiatrist to get on medication. She suggested that I cause a crisis by giving him an ultimatum of either seeing a psychiatrist, or moving out.

The Pain of Conflict

For many years, Ron’s method of conflict resolution was to ignore the problem. When he was through being angry, he would act like nothing had ever happened. We never discussed any issues. Sometimes he would be angry for weeks and would not speak to me at all during that time. Recently, this angry silence occurred right before Christmas, and it lasted over a month. I endured the silent treatment with lots of sarcastic verbal abuse while I tried to plan Christmas for our family of nine children and participate in Christmas activities at church.

At a health conference that I attended recently, I heard that a woman will use 80% of her energy struggling with unresolved conflict. I could certainly attest to that! Because of the conflict between Ron and me, I developed headaches, stomach problems, thyroid problems, and fibromyalgia.

Reaching a Crisis Point

My husband’s angry behavior became directed more and more toward the children, and they were beginning to suffer many ill effects as well. Right before a homeschooling conference in Indianapolis, there was a particularly hurtful interaction between him and several of the children. My older children practically demanded that I do something. I tried to talk to him about the specific situation, but he had another angry outburst and left.

I reasoned that my only option was to follow the counselor’s advice—to demand that he either see a psychiatrist or leave the home. I wrote him a letter and told him that he needed to get an appointment with a psychiatrist and begin taking an antidepressant or be moved out of the home by the time I came back from the week-long conference.

Seeking Help in Desperation

I knew that personal counseling would be available at the conference. I didn’t feel that the steps I had taken were really the best, so I went to sign up for an appointment. I was given the choice of meeting with Bill Gothard or Jenny Speed. I thought, “Yeah right! I am not talking to Mr. Gothard!” We had seen Paul and Jenny Speed the previous year and had heard their testimony, so I scheduled a time to meet with Jenny. I had spoken briefly to her at the previous conference, and I felt she was very real, open, and easy to speak with.

The first time we heard the Speeds share, I asked Ron over and over again if he was hiding anything. I had experienced many vile dreams, including dreams that he would leave me or that we weren’t even really married. Although I was very insecure, I never thought Ron would be unfaithful, because his spouse in his first marriage had been unfaithful. Past relationships and sins were off limits for discussion, because Ron said it just made him jealous. He kept saying there was nothing wrong, and he was quite angry that I would even suggest that there could be some hidden things he needed to confess. He always blamed my insecurities on the fact that my father had left my mother when I was young. While I wasn’t ready to blame my father for my insecurities, I didn’t believe that Ron was hiding anything.

Unexpected Counsel

When I met with Jenny Speed, she was very open with me and she sensed the heart of the problem. She listened to everything I had to say. Then she said, “I believe that your husband is hiding something. He has some hidden failure that he is not telling you about, and he has balanced your sin with his sin and is shifting most of the blame on you. You have to take yourself off the scale.”

I was sure she was dead wrong. I thought he was just angry and depressed, and I was quite certain Ron had nothing like that going on. However, I did have something hidden that I needed to confess to him. During the first year of our marriage, I had come very close to having an affair. When I felt alone and abused in my marriage, I started considering having an affair with a man at work who was pursuing me. I backed out of that relationship at the last minute and determined that I would never tell Ron, because he would be devastated and it would remind him of what happened in his first marriage.

Jenny told me her story. She told me that I had to take myself before the Lord with prayer and fasting to remove any guilt I had, so that God could deal directly with my husband. I told her that I’d already told Ron to leave and asked her what I should do about that. She counseled me to call and ask him not to leave and to tell him that I was going to fast and ask God to show me where I had failed. She told me I needed to be sure I wasn’t hiding anything myself.

Determined Obedience to God’s Direction

I determined to follow Jenny’s counsel, so I called Ron and told him that I released him from what I had requested him to do. He broke down sobbing and promised that he wouldn’t leave. He acknowledged that he was wrong and wanted to change his behavior, and he knew everything I had said was right. He told me to come back home and drive safely, and we’d work on our relationship.

I immediately started a three-day fast. God showed me many things about myself that were not very pretty, and I determined to get up the courage to confessmy “almost affair” to Ron. There was also something else that I had lied to him about, and I knew I needed to tell him about it. Through the behavior of one of my children, God showed me that over the years I had used lying as a means of escape.

A Change in My Husband

So as soon as I got home, Ron’s behavior changed dramatically. He was very nice and considerate. There were no more angry outbursts, no more verbal or emotional abuse. He bought the car that I wanted—instead of the one he wanted—and he let me update the kitchen cabinets and get a new countertop. He told me, “If you want it, then you can get it!” In the past, we would have gotten the car that he thought was best, and he always insisted that we had to buy the best deal, not necessarily what we wanted the most. He had never acted like this!

Despite the change in his behavior, I still couldn’t get up the nerve to confess my sins to him. I asked Ron to attend a conference given by Paul and Jenny Speed in October. I hoped that this weekend would give us the tools we needed to take the next step toward rebuilding our relationship. Although Ron had promised to do whatever was needed to restore our marriage, he didn’t give me an answer about the conference. I stayed in contact with Jenny by e-mail, and she kept encouraging me to go to Ron with my confession—but I just couldn’t do it.

Time for Confession

When the deadline to sign up for the conference arrived, Ron still wouldn’t give me an answer about attending. That day, I was headed to church for an anniversary party for one of the pastors and then the evening service. Five minutes before I had to leave, our son came to us to tell us about some sins he had kept hidden from us. He confessed failure in his thought life, told us that he had committed a “hit and run” accident with a car in a parking lot, and that he had been speeding when he drove.

When our son confessed his sins, Ron just about jumped out of his skin and demanded that the two of us talk. When I got home from church later that night, we went into our room. Ron came clean with me and confessed his hidden moral failures. He first told me that he had experienced moral failure for many years by watching pornography in hotels while traveling for business. Then he told me that he had been unfaithful with at least four different women in the early years of our marriage.

I could not believe it. I was floored—I had no idea! These sins certainly explained his insomnia, headaches, overeating, and his anger problem—it was all due to guilt. Satan had him bound with guilt from the adultery and had pulled him into continued failure with pornography. Throughout our married life, I continually asked Ron if he was failing morally and if there was anything wrong, but he always said no. Now, at last, he was being honest. After he came clean, I also confessed my failures to him.

Steps Towards Restoration

We did attend the Speed’s conference. Through that weekend, God gave us the tools we needed to get through the crisis and begin the healing process. After sorting through all the details, we are finally—after twenty-five years of marriage—beginning to develop some good communication skills. For the first time ever I can completely share my heart with Ron. I finally feel that Ron loves me and cares about me, and I feel that he hears and understands my heart.

After the marriage conference, Ron confessed his failures to our children. We are working on discerning the areas where Satan has gained control in their lives as a result of Ron’s sin. One son found pornography on the Internet when he didn’t even know how to use the Internet, our older daughters have had resistant responses to us, and another son recently confessed hidden sins to us. We grieve to see the effect of our sins in their lives. Regardless of the enemy’s victory points in our family, now that Ron and I are both free from the bondage of hidden sins, we are committed to trying to help our children gain freedom in their lives as well. We will not give up!

Blessings and Hope for the Future

Ron and I now feel like newlyweds! We have experienced so much healing, and for the first time, we truly love one another. We are trusting the Lord to restore the years that the locusts have eaten. (See Joel 2:25.) We just passed our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, and we are hoping for at least twenty-six more years together, so that we will have more years together in openness and honesty than without!

God is so good! He accomplishes everything in His timing. We are still seeking for His work in different areas of our lives and our children’s lives—and we trust Him for what He will do. I struggled on my own for many years to fix my marriage, yet it wasn’t until God showed me my own sin and my helplessness to change anything that I was able to release my desires to the Lord. It was then that He began this mighty work of restoration in our lives.

I am finding that Satan still wants to derail us in this restoration process, and my emotions are still easily upended. We can hit a conflict and it feels like hitting a patch of black ice, that we are just spinning out of control with no way off. If I can get a hold of my emotions, ask God for truth, and stay in the battle with my husband and not against him, then I can have hope. I know God is faithful. He is able to give us a marriage that does indeed honor Him and provide security, safety, and love for myself, my husband, and our children.

love for myself, my husband, and our children.

NOTE: Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them: then come and offer your gift.

When Denise and Ron took responsibility for their failures by confessing them and seeking forgiveness of one another, they experienced greater unity and healing in their marriage than ever before.

NO MORE FINANCIAL HARDSHIP, BLESSED WITH EXCELLENT OFFER! 

I am a twenty-five-year-old music producer. I have always believed that God has His best plans for me and I did not believe that a standard desk job was in that plan. However, as soon as I graduated, bills and life hit me really hard.

I started working in a job that required me to set up microphones for birthday parties and business meetings at a local hotel.

After working more than eighty hours a week, I was still bringing home only $50 in disposable income. I resigned and decided to intern for a local orchestra.

But a year later, my financial situation was still not looking good.

While I had already successfully completed my internship, I was still only delivering Chinese food for a living and barely able to keep up with the few bills. My family was being evicted from our home and even when we won our court case, my mother still asked me to leave the house by the end of that year.

Then, out of nowhere, I received a message from people I had known back in high school. They were starting a record label out in Los Angeles, California, and wanted to hire me as their head music producer and songwriter!

The signing bonus alone was enough to pay off my debt to the landlord, move from New York to Los Angeles, get a new car, and buy all the new studio equipment. At the same time, I also received a salary as well as bonuses, and the company put me on a profit-sharing scheme.

Everyone who knew the situation I was in back in New York, knows that only God could have done what was done.

No man could have orchestrated such deliverance. Though there are many who look at the way I handled myself through it all and say that I deserved my success, I always tell them that it is God’s grace and not my efforts that brought me to California.

When it was my effort, I was working more than eighty hours a week and had nothing to show for it. But when it was God’s effort, I signed a contract with a record label without even having to audition for the job. It was given to me—like picking an apple off a tree.

Note: God requires us to act and then He provides ALL the power to accomplish the act.

GOD GAVE ME A WIFE BEYOND MY DREAMS

I grew up hearing the Word of God all the time—in church, in my house, and through my mom, who was a church leader. I loved God and even suffered a lot of persecution in school because of my faith.

When I was in college, I started to pray for a Christian wife, but I could not find anyone to date. It was some years after graduation that I finally found someone I liked, but she broke my heart and I cried for many weeks.

I started to question God and ask Him why this was happening if I had been so faithful to Him. Even after I moved to the United States years later, I was still crying and begging God for a wife. I kept reminding Him of how good I was, how I kept myself pure because of Him, and how I deserved to have a wife.

Later, I began dating Christian girls and became serious about one of them. But she broke up with me and that made me resentful because I had treated her well. At the same time, I also felt condemned because I kissed her and I thought I was not “pure” anymore. I kept asking God for forgiveness but it only brought more condemnation.

From then on, I began looking at girls all the time with lust in my heart. I heard these accusations in my head: “How can God bless you when you have that sin, when you are full of lust? God won’t bless you and He won’t give you a wife!”

I repented and promised God that I would not lust after girls again. I did my best to spend time with Him by praying and reading the Bible. I also forced myself to look elsewhere when an attractive girl passed by. After a while, I would feel “full” of God’s presence and confident enough to pray for a wife, only to slip back into feeling lustful. And then the cycle of these religious efforts would start again.

I even increased my time of praying and reading the Word. I also fasted and went to church six times a week! However, after a few days, I would be back to flirting with girls on the Internet with my head full of lust for them. Then, I was back to crying and asking God for forgiveness. All these only brought more condemnation and guilt into my life and I started getting deeper into sin, even developing an addiction to masturbation.

I thought God was not going to bless me with a wife because of my actions and thoughts, and at the suggestion of a church leader, I made a vow to God. I promised Him many things including stopping masturbation in exchange for a wife. But after a few weeks, I was back to sinning again and I felt even more condemned about breaking the vow. I thought God was going to curse me.

By then, I was thirty-eight years old and still not married. I was angry because friends my age were already married and blessed with children. I felt that following God’s laws and statutes was a curse.

The turning point for me came when I saw one of my favorite pastors posting an update on Facebook about a book he had enjoyed reading. It was the book, Destined To Reign, by Joseph Prince. I believe that the Holy Spirit put the desire and curiosity in me to buy the book, and I started to read it after I got it in the mail.

At first, I did not agree with what Pastor Prince was saying. However, the more I read the book, the more I understood the gospel of grace. I started to go to a park every day first thing in the morning to read the book. I started to meditate on the gospel truths in the book.

It took me about two months to complete reading the book because it was so rich. At the end of it, I let go of all the disagreements I had because I saw myself as the righteousness of God through Christ. For the first time in my life, I did not have condemnation hunting me down! I still had the problem with masturbation from time to time but instead of crying, I began to confess, “I am the righteousness of God through His Son, Jesus!”

Knowing I was completely loved, completely blessed, and completely forgiven somehow kept me pure. I was also confident that God was going to bless me with a wife, not because of my good behavior, but because of what Jesus has done for me. I even told God to renew my youth and bless me with someone who was completely “out of my league.”

Finally, my miracle occurred when I felt led to create a profile on a Christian dating website. Soon after, I found a beautiful girl on the website, and I sent her an email. Unbeknownst to me, she had created her profile just fifteen minutes before I sent her the email, because she wanted to prove to her friend what a bad idea the website was. On that website , she received tons of emails from guys wanting to date her. She deleted all those emails but she said that when she read my profile, something impressed on her spirit, and she wanted to get to know me better.

After communicating via email, we met and got to know each other better. I am much older than her but God confirmed in many ways that we are meant for each other. Her parents, who were against all her earlier relationships, also approved of me and our decision to get married. So now, we are married, and I can say that she over exceeds all the expectations I gave God! I could not be happier!

Both of us have read the books Destined To Reign and Unmerited Favor together. We are starting a group with neighbors and friends called “God’s Unmerited Favor Study Group.” I have bought all of Joseph Prince’s materials and we enjoy hearing his preaching every week.

HE REMEMBERS THE BARREN


Melissa D.'s story… 
It’s been a faith-filled journey trying to understand why I had to face infertility.  At times, I’ve been mad and angry; at others, I’ve been severely depressed.  But I finally have peace through prayer!  One year ago, when I began infertility treatments, I was hopeful and excited.  I was sure I would get pregnant the first try.  I was optimistic and ready to be pregnant!  To my dismay, the treatment did not work that month or the next, or even the next for that matter.  What followed was a year of repeated failures.   
My optimism slowly faded.  Infertility treatments became increasingly stressful and upsetting.  Each month followed the same cycle: excitement, dreaded ultrasounds, and a two week wait for a negative pregnancy test.  The absolute worst was the last stage of the cycle, the pregnancy test.  I can think of nothing more heart wrenching than hearing those words, “We’re sorry.  You’re not pregnant, maybe next month.”

After 10 months of “no” phone calls, I started to become depressed. Crying in bed became the norm for me.  I was sleeping in the middle of the day, and I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone.  I started having negative thoughts about life.  I remember telling my husband one day that I wish something would happen to me and I would fall into a coma.  Then they could do infertility treatments on me and wake me up when I was pregnant.  My husband became increasingly concerned about me and wanted nothing more than to take my pain away.

I got to the point where I no longer wanted to feel the pain.  Infertility treatments and not being pregnant enveloped my every thought.  I felt miserable physically and mentally.  Then one day I had an epiphany-I wasn’t living anymore.  Obsessing over not being pregnant was all my life entailed.  I had forgotten about all of the positive things in my life.  I had a wonderful husband and a very strong relationship with him (partly thanks to the infertility treatments).  I had a supportive and loving family.  My job was rewarding and challenging.  Other than my infertility, my life was absolutely wonderful.  Somewhere in this past year, I had lost sight of that.  I had stopped thanking God and appreciating all of the wonderful blessings I had in my life. 
Right then and there I decided things needed to change.  I needed to stop letting infertility rule my life and start enjoying the blessings that surrounded me.  I wanted peace.  I wanted to wake up and not worry about treatments and doctor appointments.  I wanted to wake up and embrace life instead of dreading it.  That night I stopped praying for a baby and started praying for peace instead, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I prayed to God that His will be done, and in the meantime, I asked if He could please fill me with His peace?   
The journey wasn’t an immediate success.  I’d like to say that I woke up the next morning feeling better, but that was not the case.  God started leading me to people that could help me find that peace.  I started seeing a wonderful counselor, began acupuncture, and joined an infertility prayer group called Miracle Mothers.  God knew what He was doing when He placed these people in my life.  The changes came slowly and steadily.  I started having more peaceful days than difficult days.  And through the prayers and support of my counselor and the Miracle Mothers group, I began to feel God’s overwhelming presence and peace.   
Gradually, I started enjoying things that I had once enjoyed--playing a board game with my husband and barbecuing with friends, to name a few.  I finally felt like I was living again.  I had peace, and I owed it all to God!  I want to share with other women that peace is possible during the infertility journey, not just at the end when you’re holding your baby.  We all know that we will eventually have a child because God put that desire in our hearts.  The important thing is that we can look back at the journey and realize that we grew as a person through God and the people He surrounded us with.  And most importantly, that we embraced life, even amidst hard times.  As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”   


On April 30, 2007, Melissa and her husband gave birth to twins!  Mom, Dad, baby son and baby daughter are doing GREAT!

HE REMEMBERS THE BARREN.

Brandey’s story…

I never thought I would have trouble getting pregnant.  Nor, did I ever think that infertility could affect me the way that it has.  I have been severely depressed, ashamed, and embarrassed.  I have felt alone, and hopeless. My journey is not over, but I now know the Lord will lead us to the right decisions about next steps, and I am totally at peace with that for the first time in two years.    

Being a mommy is something that I have always dreamed of.  The desire to have and love children has driven most of my decisions—from becoming a teacher, to marrying a man who would make a good father, to buying a house with a back yard to play in.  So, when my husband and I married 2½ years ago, we began planning for children almost immediately.  My husband began the financial planning, and I began getting my body ready.

Soon after our first anniversary, we began trying in earnest to conceive.  We used ovulation predictor kits and timed intercourse. I put my feet up in the air, took Robitussin, and did everything anyone told me to do!   But, month after month, my cycle would start, and I would become sadder and sadder.  I would cry, and I would blame my self for my past sins.  Eventually, intimacy with my husband became rote and for the sole purpose to reproduce.  We were only intimate during the time when I was ovulating, and we both began to resent it.

After six months of trying, I felt something might be wrong and consulted my OB/GYN.  He said the next step was a sperm analysis. So, through a series of steps worthy of a sitcom, I transported my husband’s sample in a warm safe place for a 45 minute dash across town and through the hospital….where, after being misdirected to multiple locations in the building, I ended up having to practically yell to a sweet, little gray-haired, hard-of-hearing nurse in the middle of the hospital, “I HAVE SPERM-- WHERE DO I GO TO DROP IT OFF?”   I think everyone on that floor heard me, but I was finally directed to the right “drop-off” location, and I began to realize that fertility tests and treatments are not for the bashful!

Unfortunately, the sperm analysis came back abnormal, and we found out that he had a low count of quality sperm.  Additionally, through another test, I found out that while one of my fallopian tube was open, the other was blocked.  I began taking Clomid, and we went through three failed Intrauterine Inseminations (IUIs) before my doctor referred us to a specialist to pursue In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF).

I was devastated.  I didn’t want to go through IVF, and I thought God was punishing me. I was mad at God for not answering my prayers.  I began to sleep 15-18 hours a day.  When I slept, I didn’t have to feel the pain; I didn’t have to face the many, many people that seemed to be happy with their babies; and I didn’t have to face the nagging question, “Are you pregnant yet?” My husband would get agitated at me for lying around all day.  I would get mad that he didn’t understand my pain.

The specialist diagnosed me with PCOS and recommended IVF with ICSI (a procedure assist the sperm in fertilizing the egg).  We discussed the procedure, but I still wasn’t comfortable with it.  She said that I needed to loose 15-20 lbs. before we could proceed with IVF, but indicated we could do another IUI in the interim.  When we went in for our fourth IUI, I had two eggs in the ovary by the open tube, but my husband’s sperm count was very low--only 600,000.  The doctor wasn’t hopeful, but indicated they would proceed with the IUI anyway. I cried all the way home and prayed for God to answer my prayers this time.

Then, two weeks later, when I took a home pregnancy test and saw a faint pink line, I thought my prayers had finally been answered.  My husband and I were ecstatic!  When I went for a blood test, the nurse reassured me that false positives were rare, but said they wanted to check my Beta HGC count to be sure it was a viable pregnancy.  The phone call that came was filled with both joy and sorrow.  After I heard the words I had waited so long for, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant!” the nurse cautioned me that my Beta HGC was very low, a likely indication that the pregnancy would not last.  The numbers continued to drop, and six days later, I lost my baby.

I was beyond devastation and would cry and sob alone. “Will I ever have a baby of my own?” I thought.  My faith in the power of prayer was crushed and even doubted that He would answer my prayers to be a mother.  My husband tried to reassure me, and we began discussing the future possibility of adoption.  We tried another IUI with no success, and I slid further into a state of depression.  Our marriage was strained, and we didn’t like where it was headed.  We had different ways of dealing with the emotions we faced and didn’t fully understand each other’s pain.  We both felt we needed to take a break to recover emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

I saw a counselor who recommended antidepressants and a marriage counselor.  I knew of another teacher who was also struggling with infertility, and I mustered up the courage to ask her how she was coping with all of it.  She told me about a prayer group called Miracle Mothers that had helped her overcome depression.  She explained the feeling she would get just to know that someone was praying for her!  It sounded like the type of support I longed for, so I decided to attend the next meeting. 

That first meeting was so amazing!  Listening to all the women’s stories, their successes, and their struggles, it was nice to not feel so alone!  I began to see that the Lord led me to this group.  I began to understand that I was in need of spiritual healing.  Karen was so dynamic and passionate about helping us through our struggles. The meeting left me emotionally exhausted, but with a sense of renewed faith and peace!  Through Karen’s teaching, I learned that the Lord will fulfill His promises to me and that my past sins cannot separate me from His love—if I ask for His forgiveness.  I learned that the Lord is never early and never late!  He has a plan, which I can now see unfolding little by little.  I now know that He will direct me to the path I should follow—whether IVF, adoption, IUI, or natural conception. WOW, what a weight that has been lifted off of me!  Knowing that He is in control and I don’t have to be, I no longer feel pressure to do IVF or even know all the answers.  I have put all my faith in Him, and I am giving Him my dreams!

In John 15:16, the Bible says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in My name.”   In John 15:7, He says, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire and it shall be done for you.”  I believe God chose us and put this desire in our heart to give us children at His appointed time. 

That first evening at Miracle Mothers, Karen spoke of “faith purchases” to prepare for the child to come in the same way a farmer prepares his fields.  While the idea of buying baby stuff used to seem sad and desperate, it now feels like a step of faith!  I bought an outfit for the baby; I cleaned out the room we will use as a nursery; I asked my mom for the rocker that she used to rock me; and I hung a cross that I had bought over a year ago.  It feels so good to have a space for my child. I use the room as my praying room.  I sit and think of my child and pray for the women that are struggling as I am. It feels good to pray for others, for their pregnancies, and for their families.

My husband and I have been going to counseling, and we are learning how to better love and support one another.  I no longer feel alone in this journey, and I will continue to work on my life and my faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ.  We are praying for our miracle and looking forward to the day that we kiss our baby’s cheeks and cradle him in our arms. as we rock him to sleep in the antique rocker my mother has passed down to me.

I am so thankful that the Lord has led me to the Miracle Mothers Prayer group!  I feel like I understand more of the lessons the Lord is trying to teach me and that maybe this infertility is a blessing.  It has certainly brought my husband and me closer together. I feel like we can get through anything that comes our way.  Most importantly, I feel that I am closer to the Lord, and I have a much stronger relationship with Him, as I depend on and trust in Him like never before!